


We would slowly fall into the dark

by arci13



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 (TV) RPF, The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Conflict, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-16 21:58:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15446739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arci13/pseuds/arci13
Summary: In the following days, Bellamy had regained strength and was trying to act normal, as if he hadn’t spent the most intense night of his life with Clarke.Echo tried to ask him what happened, but he just couldn’t bring himself to tell her something that felt so intimate to the one that was supposed to share these moments with. He loved Echo but not in the way he felt for Clarke. Maybe he always knew that his love for her couldn’t match up with the one for Clarke. He loved Echo in a gentle way. He cherished her, but Clarke was something else. It was raw, hard. It was something that wasn’t always easy. It was something that made him not sleep at night; it was something that made him almost loose his mind because didn’t make any sense when she was in love with Lexa. It was draining but at the same time filled him in ways he couldn’t explain. His love for her was toxic but was so natural that he couldn’t help but feel that way. It was like Clarke was his metal, that made electricity pump through his veins.





	1. Deeper

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, please be gentle, this is my first work, at least published on this site. English is not my first language and I tried my best, feel free to comment on possible mistakes! I hope you enjoy this story, I'm planning on continuing it and make it a multichaptered fic. It revolves around 5x12/5x13 and it's how I imagine the reunion between Bellarke will go!  
> The title is from this song that has inspired me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wFbV9BW5kU  
> thank you for reading!

When Bellamy entered the room, he wasn’t expecting hearing someone crying. He could hear sobbing alternate with long pauses where a heavy breath seemed to carry more than just sadness, he could hear grief.  
“Why?” he heard whispering and his heart skipped a beat.  
“Why?” the voice repeated, it came from behind a shelf on the right side of the dim-lit room.  
Bellamy dared to take few steps, not sure how to handle the situation.  
He knew that voice. He’s been obsessed with that voice for six long years.  
It was Clarke, sitting on the floor, face between her hands.  
“Why?” she repeated to herself.  
Bellamy took another step forward but this time the girl seemed to notice someone had entered the room. She had removed her hands from her eyes and now was looking around her. She couldn’t see Bellamy who was standing just few feet behind her. He wasn’t sure he could speak, he didn’t want to scare her and wasn’t sure she would even want to talk to him. He just stood there until she turned and faced him. She gasped, and something slipped her eyes, a glimpse of something the boy couldn’t decipher, but then her face turned cold stone as it was the last time she saw her, the day she slapped him. He hadn’t seen her since, she just catch her presence during the battle, but he wasn’t alone in a room with her since then. Bellamy started to say something, but she just passed by him, trying to reach the door handle. Almost instinctively Bellamy took her hand in his hand and at first, she didn’t do anything. They just stood there holding hands for a long instant.  
“Clarke” Bellamy said, his voice almost breaking.  
Clarke then decided that holding his hand felt like fire and pushed his hand as far as she could. She went towards the door again when Bellamy forced himself between her and the door.  
“Listen to me, please” he looked her in the eyes, bad move since she had been crying and he could feel his heart shrink. She took a deep breath, almost to stabilize herself.  
“I don’t need to listen anything. Now let me out of this room, please” her eyes were fixed on some point behind Bellamy. She couldn’t even stand to look at him and Bellamy couldn’t help but notice how much this made him sick.    
“I didn’t mean to hurt her” he said, his voice full of anxiety for Clarke’s reaction to his words.  
Her eyes were now on Bellamy’s.  
“You didn’t?” she asked with a grin. “Sorry, you thought it would benefit her, right?” she laughed, but it was an empty laugh. Bellamy stomach was churning.  
“I- I was trying – “Clarke placed a hand between them.  
“Please save your words, I don’t care what you thought, all I need to know and all I actually know is that you voluntarily hurt my child” she paused. Bellamy felt his eyes wetting.  
“I will never forgive you” she said after a moment, her voice sounded almost robotic.  
Bellamy smiled bitterly.  
“She saw that coming and I saw it too” he just said, voice low.  
Clarke seemed taken aback from the admission. But didn’t want to show any emotion.  
“Yet you decided it was the right call. Your family counted more than mine” she said regretting that admission, because of course she was mad as hell because he had endangered Madi’s life, but he had also said those words, excluding her completely.  
_My family_. From the moment she had come back she could feel left out. She knew it wasn’t intentional but seeing them so well knitted while she didn’t even know how to fit in hurt bad.  
They had found their balance and she was not part of it. Plus, she had a family for herself too. Her family was Madi, and seeing Bellamy completely disrespect that made her guts burn.  
Bellamy opened his mouth to say something but decided against it. He then removed himself from the door, so Clarke could exit, and she didn’t waste a moment.  
Bellamy watched her leave and felt like he couldn’t do nothing. She was gone, not just her presence. He had lost her for real, like he had lost his sister. He had messed up his relationship with two of the most important women in his life and felt helpless. There was no remedy. There was no speech or action that could solve the situation.  
He did what he did not to lose her and he ended up losing her anyway.  
He found himself punching the wall until he couldn’t feel pain, he just felt wet blood on his hand. For a moment he was sure he could see the bone through all the blood that was spilling from his hand, but it wasn’t enough. He wanted to feel more pain, this wasn’t enough.  
He turned himself desperate to find something, maybe an object but all he found was Clarke, looking at him. She looked at him speechless and in a moment of lucidity Bellamy wondered for how long she had been staring at him but then he felt the urge to leave the room. Her voice was filling his head once again. She was actually saying something, but he heard only what he wanted.  
  
_The heart and the head._  
Together.  
Bellamy, I need you.  
  
He felt sick to his stomach, but their eyes locked for what seemed eternity.  
“I did it to save you, I couldn’t stand to lose you again” he managed to say before fainting.  
  
  
When Bellamy woke up he was lying on his bed. His head was pulsing, now he could feel his hand, he could feel how much it hurt. But when he found the courage to look at it, he found it bandaged. Panic started to arise. He could barely remember meeting Clarke in the supply room, let alone remember what happened to his hand or who had taken care of him. He tried to stand up, but his head hurt too much. Then he felt a cold hand pressed on his forehead.  
“Rest” said a gentle voice.  
It was still that voice. Bellamy wanted to resist, to get up but instead he just enjoyed that touch and drifted back to sleep.  
  
His sleep was feverish. He moved all night long, he felt the sweat leaving his body, but when he wake up he felt better. His mind was clearer. He remembered what happened the night before, he remembered Clarke looking at his bleeding hand and screaming at him.  
“Why would you do that? Are you out of your mind?” she was asking while trying to stop the blood from coming out of his hand. He hadn’t realized he was punching a pointed edge of the shelf so that he had a deep cut through all his palm. He remembered saying something and then was all black. He just remembered her soft touch on his raw skin.  
  
His room was dark. It was probably still night time. He wanted to get out, get some fresh air but he was having trouble standing still. He was weak and probably had the fever.  
He took some steps towards the door when it opened. It was Clarke. The light made Bellamy shut his eyes.  
“What are you doing?” she rushed to him basically pushing him down back to his bed.  
He couldn’t speak. “You’re hill. You need to rest” she said emotionless. Then, she handed him some water she was carrying with her. He drank, eyes fixed on her.  
“What?” she snapped not able to stand him looking at her in that way. He just sealed his lips. He thought about saying something, but everything seemed out of place in that moment. She took a seat in front of him and they stayed for a long time in silence. Glancing each other once in a while.  
After some time, Bellamy felt the wound hurt like hell. She must’ve noticed he was grimacing because she came to his side to look at the wound.  
“I think it might be infected” she said trying to undo his bandage. Bellamy removed his hand from her hand and placed it on her arm. He squeezed hard, trying to shake some reaction. That simple gesture hurt but he needed her to know.  
“You think you’re not my family?” he hissed at her face. He sounded angry. She looked down, not meeting his eyes.  
“I need to look at your hand” she said instead, reaching for the wounded hand. But he squeezed his arm harder.  
“Answer” he demanded this time more lucid than before. She looked at him and something broke. He could see the armour she’d been wearing since their landing shattering in front of him.  
“I wish I could” she said, a tear leaving her left eye.  
Then she was between his arms and he couldn’t do nothing but hold her like it was their last moment on Earth. Like he had done six years before.  
They remained intertwined for almost 20 minutes. Their breaths were synchronised and for a moment Clarke felt like six years hadn’t passed, like everything hadn’t happened. She felt younger again, she felt safe between those arms that had held her before. The safe place where she always went when something bad happened. But something at the back of her mind reminded her that it was just an illusion. Because stuff had happened. To them, between them. Maybe was just an exaggerated sense of survival developed in the years or maybe it was that she was still hurting but she pulled off the hug. She looked at the guy in front of her. His eyes were wet, his forehead glowing in sweat. She felt like crushing their mouth together to make it right, because she hated him but loved him so much at the same time. But nothing was right or could be made right. She had to leave. So, she left him there without saying anything.  
  
In the following days, Bellamy had regained strength and was trying to act normal, as if he hadn’t spent the most intense night of his life with Clarke.  
Echo tried to ask him what happened, but he just couldn’t bring himself to tell her something that felt so intimate to the one that was supposed to share these moments with. He loved Echo but not in the way he felt for Clarke. Maybe he always knew that his love for her couldn’t match up with the one for Clarke. He loved Echo in a gentle way. He cherished her, but Clarke was something else. It was raw, hard. It was something that wasn’t always easy. It was something that made him not sleep at night; it was something that made him almost loose his mind because didn’t make any sense when she was in love with Lexa. It was draining but at the same time filled him in ways he couldn’t explain. His love for her was toxic but was so natural that he couldn’t help but feel that way. It was like Clarke was his metal, that made electricity pump through his veins.  
  
Echo felt right, but Clarke, he could feel her deeper inside his guts.  



	2. Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had forgotten the sound of his laugh and he felt his heart accelerating at the sound of it.  
> In that moment he wanted to tell her every single thing that had happened and hear everything about her years on the ground. He wanted to know how she found Madi, why she cut her hair, how she managed to survive. Clarke wanted to know everything too.  
> In that moment, everything else didn’t mattered for a while.  
> It was just them.  
> Clarke and Bellamy, like it used to be.

Clarke was watching him while he bathed in the river. The water fell perfectly on his body, she noticed his chest looked broader and his abs more defined. He probably trained while in space. His face was different, he looked manlier. She had to admit to herself that she missed the old look. She liked the way she could see the little scare on his upper lip or how his har fell gently on his forehead. But now he was different. The beard, the longer hair…somehow, he looked more intense or maybe was just her feeling.  
“You two should talk instead of looking at each other with puppy eyes” said a voice behind her. Clarke recognized her and turned slowly. It was Raven.  
“Seriously, we’ve been back for almost two weeks” said her again, she wanted to sound playful, but Clarke could tell she meant seriously. She turned back again.  
“We’ve talked” she simply said, feeling her stomach aching again.  
They stayed in silence for some minutes. They were standing on a hill next to the river, Clarke went there because she needed some fresh air. He couldn’t see them, they were well hidden in the forest and this was the main reason she stayed there observing him. She didn’t expect the other girl to ambush her.  
“Have you ever seen Bellamy cry?” Raven asked out of the blue.  
Clarke turned to face the girl, her eyes were interrogative. Where was she going with that phrase?  
“Because I have” she continued. Clarke still silent.  
“Wanna know the reason?” the blond girl knew it was a rhetorical question.  
“It was because of you” said Raven eyeing Clarke. She could feel her look piercing her. Clarke started saying something, but the other girl spoke over her.  
“He was always a grumpy guy. You’ve lived with him. He’s not the one to show his emotion, but when we were up there it was different” she paused like she was trying to remember something. Clarke felt her stomach burning.  
“At first he was distant. He talked normally, made plans to organize our life there but he felt almost robotic. He was so calm, he never flinched. But there was something that made him tick: when we tried talking about you or even mention your name, he just left the room”.  
Her word stung Clarke like she had been stabbed.  
“One time he lashed out at Murphy because he dared to remind him that you wouldn’t do something he wanted to do…something stupid that I don’t even remember but you should’ve seen his reaction. We had to break them” Raven closed her eyes, then continued.  
“You know Murphy can be a pain in the ass, but it wasn’t the case. Then, once we separated them Bellamy left. And I went after him because I wanted to talk to him”  
Clarke was starting to feel hill.  
“I searched for him for almost 20 minutes but then I found him” she started smiling, but Clarke could tell it was a bitter smile.  
“He was in our supply store, on the floor, crying”.  
Clarke felt her heart skip a beat.  
“It wasn’t just a normal cry, he was crying so hard that I could feel him trying to catch his breath and when I finally approached him he just collapsed in my arms and cried even more” Raven was looking at Clarke and she felt so much pain in her stomach that couldn’t look her in the eyes.  
“I’m not saying this to make you feel bad Clarke” she continued.  
“Then get to the point” blurted out Clarke, feeling her stomach twisting. Raven sealed her lips.  
“I’m saying this because he was never able to forgive himself for leaving you and that when he thought you died, a part of him died with you” she said smiling again and this time she took some steps forward and touched Clarke’s shoulder, her smile wasn’t bitter anymore.  
Clarke looked at her hand. She her eyes were watering.  
“Just talk and everything will work out, I promise” she squeezed her shoulder and Clarke felt like hugging her but didn’t do it. She just smiled back and with that Raven left. 

Clarke was alone and the stinging feeling in her stomach persisted.  
She turned to see him, and he was out of the water, he was sitting on a rock.  
She didn’t realize she was walking towards him, she only realize it once she was really close to him. He didn’t hear her arriving, he was looking the river. “Your bandage is wet” she said staring at his hand, not daring to look him in the eyes. Bellamy was so surprised to hear her voice that just kept staring at her.  
“You should keep it dry” she said, her voice suddenly weak. He was facing her, and she wasn’t meeting his eyes, he felt a little hurt.  
“Sorry, -“he said automatically “I d-didn’t think about it” he stuttered.  
He was like a child who had misbehaved, feeling guilty.  
“It’s okay, it will dry” she said finally meeting his eyes. He looked really sorry and Clarke knew it wasn’t just about the bandage. He looked away and continued looking at the river. He wanted to say something but wasn’t sure what to say so he just kept it quiet.  
Even though the last time Clarke had left she felt like she was the one that needed to do something to mend the situation between them.  
“Was the water okay?” she asked feeling immediately stupid for the question. Bellamy laughed a little. It was a stupid question indeed.  
“It’s was fine, after years with ice cold water, everything feels like heaven” and with that phrase something hit Clarke hard. She suddenly remembered all the years spent apart, all that they missed to each other’s life. Not that she didn’t know it but sometimes, having talked about him for so long, felt like he was there with her the whole time. It was a strange feeling, because she knew she knew Bellamy but, yet she didn’t, at least not anymore.  
“What was it like?” she asked, and he looked puzzled not getting what she was referring to.  
“You mean the space?” he asked, she nodded.  
“You know, like the Ark, but with less floating and more algae” this time Clarke laughed. He smiled back. He had forgotten the sound of his laugh and he felt his heart accelerating at the sound of it.  
In that moment he wanted to tell her every single thing that had happened and hear everything about her years on the ground. He wanted to know how she found Madi, why she cut her hair, how she managed to survive. Clarke wanted to know everything too.  
In that moment, everything else didn’t mattered for a while.  
It was just them.  
Clarke and Bellamy, like it used to be. 

But when he was about to ask her about the ground, he froze.  
She looked at him confused, he was watching something behind her and following his stare he could see what he was looking at. Echo.  
She felt something close to panic raising in her, like she didn’t want that moment to end but she knew it was about to. Echo was looking at them and when she saw them looking back she just left. As soon as she left, Bellamy stood up.  
He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Clarke stood up too and watched him frown. He looked pained, somehow seeing her was bothering him. He then turned to face her and, in his eyes, she could read his intentions.  
“If you need to go, go” she said detached.  
“I need to” he asserted and started going towards where Echo was going when he stopped and faced Clarke again.  
“Maybe later you can change my bandage” and he gestured to his hand.  
Clarke nodded and smile. 

The second he couldn’t see her anymore, she jumped fully clothed in the river.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I would like to thank every one who took the time to read my first chapter, comment and leave kudos/bookmarked it! Second, as I said for the previous chapter, feel free to tell me about possible mistake. This chapter is rather a filler because I want a big confrontation in the final chapter but they need to solve some things first. Also, I'm thinking about adding a 4th chapter idk, I'll see where my ispiration brings me!  
> Hope u enjoyed it <3


	3. Even

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are we even now?” she asked.  
> Bellamy didn’t understand what she meant.  
> “You left me once, and I left you once. Are we even?” she said smiling.   
> Bellamy knew it was an attempt to make things right and he just crushed his lips on hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! So this is the last chapter, I had previously updated a different chapter but I wasn't convinced about it so I changed it and now I'm happier, hope you enjoy it too!   
> Thank you again for all the feedback! I've seen some spoilers so I felt like this was the best I could come up with but once 5x13 is out I will definitely write more! I love bellarke with my whole heart! So see u soon <3

Bellamy entered the Medical Ward almost running. Clarke was nowhere to be seen so he took a seat on the bed. His head slightly hurt, and his hand was pulsing. He kept thinking that maybe staying in the space wasn’t that bad, that the bubble they’d created for themselves was better than this messed up reality. Echo was on his same page.   
  
“You said nothing was going to change” she had said when he had gone seen her.   
He knew what she was referring to but refused to address the topic so directly. She looked a little shaken up and he couldn’t help but feeling guilty. He hadn’t done anything, but he knew why she was acting like that and why she was worried in the first place.   
Clarke was always an issue in their relationship.   
At first, he was mad at her. He felt like Clarke’s place was taken by someone that didn’t deserved it at all. He used to be vocal about it too but then one day Emori told him off. She told him to deal with the reality of things, that Clarke was dead, and they were stuck on the spaceship.  
Bellamy didn’t speak to anyone for days but then things got better, he started giving her a chance to prove herself to be better and she succeeded.   
She was good after all.   
They started getting on well. She taught him a lot of things and with time being locked up together they fell in love with each other.   
It was natural.   
Like it was natural that once Clarke was back in their life, everything had changed.   
  
“But I can see it in your eyes that everything is changed” she continued, and Bellamy was at loss of words. He wanted to fix things between them, to say that she was wrong, that nothing was different, but he knew it would be a lie. Not that he was questioning his feelings for her, they were real. But with Clarke in the picture everything felt different. He loved Echo, but Clarke was back, and he wasn’t sure he could go back to what his life was in space.  
“I love you” he found the courage to say to her and she closed her eyes trying to repress tears.   
“I’m sure you do Bellamy, but there are things I know you need to sort out” her face looked calm, but her voice was shaky, and Bellamy felt the urge to hold her, so he did it and she break off her cool attitude. She cried until his shirt was soaked. They stayed together a little longer not saying much, then she excused herself and left.   
  
Bellamy found himself almost running towards the medical ward and now was there, waiting for Clarke not knowing what to do, how to act.   
He felt a lot of emotions, but he was mainly confused.   
She seemed not mad few hours earlier and that made him question whether she had forgiven him or not.   
He still felt a little angry because she was dead, then she wasn’t and the second later they were fighting to stay alive again.   
It was like their life together couldn’t be peaceful, like they were meant to live in chaos.   
She used to live in Eden with Madi and he was in space. They had almost regular lives but once they had crossed their paths again, there was a war and many lives at risk.   
Another thing that made him feel strange was that while on space he had changed, and he hadn’t even realized it.   
It took Clarke, who hadn’t seen him in six years, to made him realize it.   
Because she knew him when he left and when he came back was a different man.   
A man that couldn’t feel guilty for putting the Flame in Madi because he knew it was the right call.   
What he couldn’t stand, though, was the look she gave him when she had found out about it. Betraying her was never an option before and he knew he owned her an apology.   
  
Few minutes later when she entered the room, she was wearing a lab coat and was holding a folder. She wasn’t looking at him and just said “I’ll be to you in a minute” absent-minded and when she looked up to see him she blinked slowly.   
She wasn’t expecting him. She knew eventually she would need to change his bandage and that he had said he would come by but still.   
“Oh” she whispered. He failed at smiling at her. Preparing a speech in his mind about how sorry he was.   
“It is dry” she said approaching him. He nodded. She started to unravel the bandage, but he flinched.   
“Maybe wetting it wasn’t the best choice” he said feeling pain radiating in his whole body as she started putting disinfectant on the wound.   
“No, it wasn’t but the wound is healing. It hurts now but it will get better” she said pressing the cotton on the edge of the cut.   
She was trying to take off some dry blood but didn’t want to hurt him, he was sweating already.   
“Hold on, I’ll be done in a minute”   
Bellamy squeezed his eyes shut, he wanted to say something.   
“Clarke” he managed to finally say. She looked at him in the eyes, crocking her head on the left.   
“Do you want me to stop?” she asked hesitantly.   
He shook his head.   
He didn’t know where to start because the last time he had tried to talk about it, didn’t end up well.   
“Clarke, I’m sorry about-“ she didn’t even let him finished that a hand was placed on his thigh.   
He stared at the tiny hand placed on his leg not understanding.   
“Let’s drop this topic. Everything worked out fine in the end and you can’t understand-“ this time his hand was placed on hers.    
“What can’t I understand? Putting someone you love first?” he said, words coming out of his mouth a little bitter. His eyes were on hers now, sparkling. She bit her lips. Her hand still under his.   
“It’s different”  
Bellamy smiled pressing his lips together.   
“I think it isn’t that different. Years ago, if anything like this happened to Octavia I would’ve reacted like you”  
This time she scoffed. He looked at her confused.   
“You said it right, years ago”  
Bellamy hold her hand tighter. She was trying to avoid his look but didn’t retreat her hand.   
“I might have changed but I did what I did to save us all, you know that, at least I hope one day you will understand” he said and then left her hand to stand up. His bandage wasn’t ready yet.   
As he was getting up from the bad he came close to her. Clarke took a step backwards.   
“I’m not finished yet” she said feebly, he then gave her his wounded hand.   
There was a strange silence between them.   
“I know why you did it” she finally said when she had finished fixing his bandage. Bellamy was expecting her to add something.   
“But she is my child and I will die if something happens to her and the flame could be avoided” she continued a little later, gaining the courage to express herself.   
“It got to a point where it couldn’t be avoided, and you knew it” he said sternly.   
He felt rage raising in his stomach, like she was still questioning his action even though everything had worked out fine. She had her eyes full of love for Madi and couldn’t see straight.   
Plus, she was seriously questioning his affection for her, believing he would hurt her if there was another option.   
But there wasn’t, and he made a tough choice.   
Actually, it was the second tough choice that involved her.   
“Look, I’m not asking you to forgive me, because I did what I did, and I can’t go back. I promised you I would protect her, and I will keep my promise and I would not let anything happen to her or to you” he blurted out.  
“The only thing I want to set straight is that you are my family and I don’t give a shit if six years have passed. I was willing to hurt my blood to save you and I’d do it again if I had to”  
Bellamy was looking at her so intensely that she felt she could melt under his stare.   
She was so focused on his voice that she didn’t realize what he had said.   
Only few seconds later words started making sense and her brain clicked.   
Hurt my blood.   
_Octavia_.   
“Why did you poison her?” she asked already knowing the answer, only needing to hear it.   
Bellamy realize what he had said and felt uneasy.   
“Do you really need me to answer?” he asked, suddenly defensive.   
He felt naked.   
He didn’t want her to find out about what he had done.   
She was very serious now.   
“Why?” she asked again.   
“You really wanna know why I poisoned my sister, Clarke?” he asked getting angrier.  
Clarke looked him in the eyes and nodded, she felt his mood changing.   
Bellamy couldn’t understand why she was acting like this, but his entire body ached remembering what it was like without her. Even though they weren’t on the best terms, knowing she was alive was enough for him to breathe a little easier.   
“I left you once and I wasn’t going to let you again” he paused pinching the bridge of his nose. She was breathing heavily.  
“I just- I just couldn’t loose you again” he said finally, anger turning into sadness.   
Clarke thought that if her heart was going under surgery maybe would be in better shape than it was now, now that it felt like someone has ripped it out open from her chest.   
“What if something had gone wrong?” she said, her voice barely recognizable.   
He smiled.   
“You think I didn’t know what I was risking?”   
“She could’ve died” she said, now whispering.   
Bellamy grimaced.  
“You’re not breaking any news to me, Clarke –“he looked at his hands “but she was going to kill you and I couldn’t let it happen”  
Clarke wanted to touch him but resisted, she could sense that admitting it was hard for him.  
“Do you remember when you asked me how I survived alone all these years?” she asked and he faced her, his eyes betrayed confusion. She didn’t wait for his answer.  
“I did something that kept me sane. I did it every day because I hoped that maybe one day it could’ve worked. I was desperate for it to work”   
Bellamy looked lost.   
“Every day I woke up and radioed you” she finished looking at him.   
He looked surprised.   
“I used to tell you about my day and of course I asked about yours” she smiled bitterly.  
Bellamy felt distraught, his eyes were wet.  
“I know it’s stupid but hoping that you were alive kept me alive” she shrugged.   
Admitting it made her feel free for the first time in a long time.   
“I was so lost without you” Bellamy said letting few tears slip his eyes.  
She couldn’t resist anymore.   
He was standing in front of her and she needed to feel him even closer. She took some step and they were in each other arms in a second.   
They held each other for so long that she couldn’t feel her arms anymore but then he broke the hug and rested his forehead on hers.   
Their nose touching, and their eyes locked together. She could read how sorry he was in his eyes and she felt like everything else didn’t matter.   
She forgave him but needed to make sure he forgave her.  
“Are we even now?” she asked.  
Bellamy didn’t understand what she meant.  
“You left me once, and I left you once. Are we even?” she said smiling.   
Bellamy knew it was an attempt to make things right and he just crushed his lips on hers.   
She had thought about kissing him, she imagined it would be something harsh but in reality, it turned out to be gentler than expected.   
He tasted like metal and she could feel her stomach twisting.   
Clarke felt him holding her tighter like they could merge their bodies.   
She rested a hand on his hair and he rested his hands on her waist and then on her back.   
He moved his hands quickly, like he was afraid she could run away.   
So, she started kissing him back harder to make him sure she wasn’t going anywhere.  
Their tongues were moving in harmony and they both felt at peace. Being there, together and kissing for the first time was an emotion almost unbearable for them both.   
A thought crossed Bellamy’s mind and it was about how they had wasted the previous years not being together, always with someone else or apart.   
  
When they broke off he looked relaxed and Clarke caressed his face. She touched his beard and felt the years passed, she touched her short hair too.  
“We’ve changed so much” she said. Bellamy nodded.   
He felt a strange feeling, because kissing her had felt so right but they had a lot to talk about.  
“Maybe we should talk about these changes” he suggested.   
“We should definitely do” she smiled “but first I gotta see Madi”   
Bellamy let out a laugh. She frowned curiously.   
“What?”   
“The child first” he said smiling, and Clarke felt her heart warming because she knew he understood her and it was a relief.   
“It’s about a treatment but I swear to god that we will talk once I’ve dealt with it” she said approaching the exit but then turned around. Bellamy was standing in the room, looking around.  
“Are you coming?” she asked like it was obvious he would come.   
His face lighted up and he reached her, taking her hand.   
With hands intertwined they left like it was the most natural thing in the world and in that moment, _it really was_. 


End file.
